


Gay Ways

by IWP_chan



Series: [Chugs Water Bottle] [31]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: (though its mostly on soras and kairis parts), Banter, F/F, Kinda Cracky, M/M, Sexual Humor and References, destiny trio shenanigans focused with progressing soriku and pre-relationship kailette, friends being little shits to each other, mentions of past attempted sokai, mentions of riku accidentally seducing people, riku and sora thirsting after each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:54:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23661892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IWP_chan/pseuds/IWP_chan
Summary: Kairi has no other choice but to ask Riku for help. Things naturally get out of hand.
Relationships: Kairi & Riku & Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Kairi/Olette (Kingdom Hearts), Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: [Chugs Water Bottle] [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1071939
Kudos: 44





	Gay Ways

Summary: Kairi has no other choice but to ask Riku for help. Things naturally get out of hand.

_Notes: to be honest, this fic evolved a lot from its original form, where Riku was more comically serious, and it was 100% Riku-Kairi interactions, with Sora taking on a more passive role. Then I thought of Kairi-Sora banter, and this happened._

_Sora exists and Riku ceases to function: the fic._

**Warnings: Somewhat Cracky, Destiny Trio Shenanigans And Banter, Riku Is Thirsty For Sora (And Vice Versa), Riku Accidentally Seduced A Number Of People, Sexual Humor And References, Mentions Of Past Attempted SoKai, Helping Each Other Out In The Lovelife Department, Enchanted Tupperware.**

**Disclaimer:** Don’t own KH.

.

Kairi burst through the door to Sora’s and Riku’s room without knocking, something she usually didn’t do since she didn’t want to walk in on anything that would scar her for life, but she was desperate, and desperate times called for desperate measures.

She had seen Sora head back to his room after finishing his training session, and hoped he’d headed straight to the shower Riku-less, so she could corner Riku to ask for his help.

For once, luck was on her side, and only Riku was in the room, the sounds of the shower running and Sora singing coming from behind the attached bathroom’s closed door.

Riku, who was startled by her sudden appearance, jolted slightly from his slouched seat on his bed, Gummiphone dropping from his hand and onto the bed covers. He sent her a disgruntled stare before picking his phone back up, “Kairi,” He grunted, “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Kairi huffed as she strode over to the other bed in the room to take a seat, “Don’t sound _too_ happy to see me, I might get _ideas_.”

Riku rolled his eyes and returned his attention to his Gummiphone, “You just interrupted my alone time with Sora’s photos, it _better_ be good.”

Kairi scrunched her nose, “I did _not_ want to know I almost caught you with your hand down your pants while looking at Sora’s pictures.”

Blushing, Riku threw a pillow her way, which she easily dodged without having to move from her seat, “ _Shut up!_ ” He hissed, gazing at the bathroom door in panic, as if Sora was going to burst through it at any moment. He relaxed when the noises from the bathroom continued uninterrupted, “First of all, I don’t have any… _inappropriate_ pictures of Sora on my phone, so there.”

“I know.” Kairi grinned cheekily.

“Why am I friends with you again?”

“Because you _wuv_ me so much, _Wiku_.” Kairi batted her eyelashes at him in an exaggerated manner. Riku threw another pillow at her. She dodged it as well.

“What did you want?” Riku sighed.

“I came to ask you for help.”

“Help?” Riku looked bewildered, “ _Me?_ ”

“Yes.” Kairi nodded, “I need you to teach me your Gay Ways.”

“The _what_ now?”

“You know, how to seduce someone.”

“Seduce.” Riku looked pointedly in the direction of the bathroom door again, “Whatever gave you the idea that I can successfully seduce someone?”

“Trust me, I know you can.”

“Right.”

“Just because you’re oblivious to it, doesn’t mean that I am.” Kairi crossed her arms and leaned forward, “To put it simply, tell me what you, as Riku, would do for someone you _like_ -like.”

Riku frowned at her, seeming to still not understand why she was asking _him_ instead of someone else, before he shrugged, “Well…” He rested his chin on his curled fist as he thought, “First things first, you gotta devote your entire being for this person. You will be their guardian, sworn to protect them and support them, pick up the slack for them-” As Riku continued to spout poetry, Kairi stared at him incredulously.

Her friend was one of the biggest saps in the whole universe.

“Say,” Kairi started, interrupting Riku’s monologue, “What if the person I like-like is the one who picked up the role of protector for me?” She asked, flashing back to Olette whipping her nail bat out and getting ready to brain Axel when he was going to kidnap Kairi, back then.

Riku hummed thoughtfully, “What if you’re the Sora in the relationship, and not the Riku?”

“The Sora?” Kairi repeated, confused.

Riku nodded, “In that case, I won’t be able to help you,” He said, not elaborating on what he meant by her being the Sora in the relationship, “You’re going to have to witness the master in action and learn.”

“The master?”

“Our Lord and Savior-” Riku gestured towards the bathroom door, which somehow opened at that exact moment, Sora stepping through it, toweling his mess of hair, “-Sora.”

Noticing their stares, Sora dropped his towel to let it rest around his neck, “What is it? Did you guys want something?”

Riku’s eyes glazed over as he stared intently at a drop of water making its way down Sora’s neck.

Sora smothered a smirk. Kairi sighed.

“Well, you see, Sora, my other dear friend in the whole universe-” Kairi picked up one of the pillows Riku had thrown at her earlier to chuck it at Riku. It smacked Riku on the side of his head, but he didn’t even twitch, “-I’m having problems making _friends_ with someone, and I came to ask Riku for advice.”

“A friend?” Sora raised a skeptical eyebrow, “Or a _friend_ -friend?” He sent a significant look Riku’s way. Riku continued to stare at Sora’s neck, eyes glazed over.

“A friend-friend.” Kairi nodded before throwing the second pillow at Riku, yielding the same result from before.

Sora clapped his hands loudly, jolting Riku out of his reverie, “I have just the thing. Let’s head to the kitchen.” He then threw the towel aside and marched out of the door.

.

Kairi and Riku followed Sora to the kitchen, Riku staring at Sora’s swaying hips, looking as if in trance, almost slamming into every single door frame they passed through and tripping down the stairs. Three times.

Kairi rolled her eyes, exasperated at her friend’s one track mind, but also wishing his speculation about her being the Sora to Olette’s Riku would hold if only to have Olette’s unwavering attention focused on her in the same way.

When they reached the kitchen, Kairi took a seat at the kitchen island while Sora went straight to rummage through the pantry. Riku remained standing, staring in the direction of the pantry with an overwhelmingly love-struck expression.

When Sora emerged from the pantry, he made a beeline for Riku, a paper in hand. He took Riku’s hands in his and placed the paper inside of them before closing them over it and staring up at Riku with wide, pleading eyes, and lower lip jutting out in unmistakable pout, “Looks like we’re out of some stuff I need. Could you run to Twilight Town and get me the things on the list?”

Riku nodded, still staring at Sora like the love-struck fool he was.

“Great!” Sora beamed and let go of Riku, who stumbled out of the kitchen in a daze.

Kairi waited long enough to make sure Riku was definitely out of earshot before she turned to Sora with an unimpressed expression, “The kitchen here is magical. Master Yen Sid’s spellwork made sure of it. It never runs out. Spill.”

Sora crossed his arms, “Spill? Me? I think you should be the one doing the spilling. Really? Asking _Riku_ for seduction advice? You purposefully waited until I was in the shower to do that. Why not ask me?”

Kairi imitated his posture, “Really? What would your advice even _be_? Lie down naked in my crush’s bed and hope she gets the hint?”

Sora rolled his eyes, “No, _silly_ , I would have told you to Strut Your Stuff. Duh.”

“Strut my Stuff.” Kairi raised an eyebrow, “Really? How crude. And here I thought you were a pure bean.”

Sora scoffed, “Puh-lease, you’re not Riku, you don’t really believe that. Anyway, why Riku?”

Kairi uncrossed her arms to shrug, “He’s very successful at seducing people.”

Sora pouted, “He’s too pure for that, Kairi, and you know it.”

Kairi rolled her eyes, “Just because he’s not doing it on purpose, doesn’t mean it’s not working. And spectacularly at that. Let me remind you. He and Namine always hold hands whenever they go out. Xion is always taking him out on ice-cream dates and long walks on the beach to gather seashells. Roxas and Vanitas are always flirt-sparring with him. Ven is always snuggled up to him whenever they’re both under the same roof. And he has you for a bed-warmer.”

Sora scrunched his nose, “Please don’t call me his bed-warmer. That implies that we’re fucking, and despite all my hopes and wishes, that’s not actually happening right now.”

“Fine.” Kairi rolled her eyes again, “Then you’re his stuffed toy that he cuddles with in bed.”

“Stuffed with his dick, I hop-”

“ _Ah, ah, ah._ ” Kairi raised a hand to stop him, “I don’t want to hear that. You’re quite vulgar for someone so cute and innocent-looking. No one would look at you and think you’re capable of such thoughts, let alone speaking them out loud in company of other people.”

“You really wanna get into the topic of people looking innocent but doing unexpected things?” Sora placed his hands on his hips and narrowed his eyes at Kairi.

“Sora-”

“As your dear childhood friend-”

“Sora, come _on_ -”

“-I am obligated to _forever_ remind you-”

“ _Sora, for fuck’s sake_ -”

“-of that time you called out Namine’s name while-”

Kairi groaned, burying her face in her hands.

“-you were THIS close to having outright sex with _me_.”

“ _I hate you_.”

“There I was, a pure, innocent maiden, blushing while I was shyly kissing this girl I cherished so much on the neck as a way to get into the mood, and she calls out another girl’s name-”

Kairi pulled her hands away from her face to scowl at Sora, “I know where you sleep,” She threatened.

“You’ll have to get through Riku first.”

“Think I can’t take him?”

“Oh, I think he’ll never believe why you want to exact revenge on me.”

“ _Fuck. You._ ”

“No, thank you. Last time we attempted that wasn’t all that successful, as I’ve said. I was so hurt, Kairi. So heartbroken.” He placed a hand on his chest over his heart in a fake show of sadness.

“Right.” Kairi rolled her eyes, “So heartbroken you went straight to Riku’s bed afterwards.”

“Okay, first of all, there is nothing straight about me being in Riku’s bed-”

Kairi waved a dismissive hand.

“- and second, I was still alone. He didn’t cuddle me through my distress. Let me have the bed all to myself because he’s _such a gentleman_.” Sora groaned.

Kairi snorted, “You know what’s a funny thing? Riku thinks I might be the Sora to my crush’s Riku, and I’m almost hoping it turns out to be true.”

“Do not. For your sake, _do not_.” Sora sighed, “He and I are simultaneously dating and not dating because he thinks I don’t think of him that way.”

“Like I said, _almost_ hoping.”

Sora nodded absently as his eyes glazed over, “Oh, Riku’s back at the Tower.”

“Already?” Kairi raised an impressed eyebrow as she checked the time on her phone, “That was quick. He’s whipped.”

“I wish.” Sora sighed wistfully.

“Sora, I don’t want to know about your kinky foreplay with him.”

“ _I wish_.”

“Anyway, what’s the gameplan about the whole coming into the kitchen thing?”

Sora grinned mischievously, “Food. Food is always a good starting plan. You make some; you casually pass by your crush at the right time, and ask if it’s possible to eat together.”

“Great plan. Even greater flaw: I don’t know how to cook.”

“That’s why you have me! I’m going to coach you through it because I’m such a good friend!”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Sora.”

Sora opened his mouth, probably to say something snarky, or related to Riku, or both, but was interrupted when the door to the kitchen opened and Riku stepped in, carrying a grocery bag with him.

“Riku!” Sora chirped and threw himself at Riku to hug him, “You’re back!”

Riku blushed faintly, “It was just a grocery run to Twilight Town, Sora.”

“Still.” Sora tightened his hug before letting go, “No missing out on Riku Hug opportunities.” He grinned.

Riku shyly averted his gaze and held out the bag in his hand towards Sora, “Anyway, I got what you wanted.”

Sora clapped before accepting the bag, “Thanks, Riku! You’re the best!” He hugged Riku again for good measure and walked to the kitchen counter to place the bag on before waving Kairi over to him, “Come on, minion, let’s get started.”

.

A long while later, Kairi and Riku walked out of the kitchen, Kairi holding the greatest magical item ever, in her humble opinion: enchanted tupperware that ensured whatever was inside of it was preserved fresh for long periods of time.

Sora had stayed behind in the kitchen to work his clean-up magic. He was an absolute master in the kitchen, and it never ceased to amaze Kairi. He’d been thoughtful in choosing to make cookies, which gave her plenty of opportunities and time to plot asking Olette to spend time together, as cookies worked as easy snacks for all times, unlike an actual meal.

She hadn’t thanked Sora for it yet, but she knew just what she had to do.

“Well, with this, onto the second part of the plan,” She said.

“Oh?” Riku tilted his head inquisitively, “What are you planning to do?”

“I’m going to ask her if she’d like to have a sleepover. Tempt her with cookies. Bring up the topic of crushes, and see how to go from there.”

“Sleepover?” Riku’s lips twitched into a slightly fond smile, “I guess that works, huh.”

This was the moment. Kairi grinned.

“Oh, I got the idea from you and Sora.”

Riku froze, Kairi continued, grin turning smug.

“Yeah. You two are always having sleepovers. So much that Sora took permanent residence in your bed. I’m gunning for that with her, in the future, hopefully.”

Riku blushed. “I-”

“Hey, do all of us a favor and make a move on Sora soon before he starts moping about it?”

Riku startled, “What-”

“You two are already dating. Kiss him on the cheek or something like that. Actually, kiss him more, period.”

“I thought this was about you and-”

Kairi shrugged, raising the tupperware in her hands, “Well, I got my help. Just returning the favor. Think about it, okay?”

With that said, Kairi skipped ahead, already planning how to ask Olette to have a sleepover.

.

End

Yes, Sora has a Riku Radar.


End file.
